doctor-40891_1280Outpatient

Today was a good day.  It was a day that started out with lots of anticipation and a bad case of the nerves.  A rain soaked drive down to the hospital and my 12:00 noon appointment to get my port out.

Breathing through it

It’s times like today when the practice of yoga really comes into place.  We can sit and meditate and practice stillness and calmness but it’s a whole different ballgame when you really need it.  My breath didn’t want to stay steady this morning, but practice enabled me to slow it down and calm my nerves by doing so.

Focus and cyber focus

When we focus on something we put all our attention there.  What if you want to take your focus away from the obvious strain of the moment, how do you do it?  I lay there today listening to the surgical vaccum suck the tube out of my jugluar vein wishing that I could have listened to the music I brought.  I tried to go to my happy place so that I wouldn’t think about what was going on.  Focusing inward allows the external noise to soften and puts a cyber focus on what is coming in and out of you, your breath. Visualization added to the breath allows the mind to soften.   I imagined myself cantering with my horse across a sun speckled beach, then I would feel a jab and be pulled back into the operating room and reality.

Being Present

There’s definitely a desire to have everything go well when you are lying down on a gurney trusting someone with your body parts.  It takes trust and a desire to get things fixed.  In my case today, getting the port out is yet another step in this journey of healing. It means that I never will receive chemo again and that I obviously don’t have to.    It should be a celebration, really, but it didn’t feel that way going in.  I feel sore and tired but also relieved that it is over.  Once again my training in meditation and yogic breathing has completely saved me from a horrible case of anxiety.  I was able to breathe through it today and I know that no matter what happens that I can breathe through it.

New Beginnings

The timing of this operation was well placed at the beginning of the year.  It’s almost like it’s a send off into a great year of healing.  I am so happy to have this behind me and a year of healthy healing, meditation, expansion, and breathing and gratitude for my body, my mind and my spirit.